I love black thongs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
