Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize