I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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