Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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