Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
