i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it was like eating out sand paper
time to smoke my breakfast
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
