It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
