do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize