During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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