last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
