really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
