just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
