Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
