It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
