can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
