you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
