You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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