I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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