I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize