I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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