i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
