if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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