btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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