My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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