her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize