Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
