just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
