I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
