1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
