So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
