omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
