I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
