Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm going to jail i love you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
