So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
