I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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