FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
