i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
