i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
