is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
