I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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