theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
