Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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