The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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