If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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