I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
