Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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