I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
