I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
