she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
