ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
