Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
