I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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