the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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