I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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