if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
