The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
