I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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