Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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