Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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