Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
