If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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