Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
