Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
