How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
