She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
