When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
third nipple confirmed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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