Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
