Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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