One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They took my balls.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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