tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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