I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
