It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
