i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
