yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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