If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
