just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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